Some steps, on the road to Emmaus

My name is Joseph and I am from Vietnam. There are nine of us brothers and sisters in my family, my parents are farmers. We are a happy family, on the whole. At present, I live in the fraternity. To get here, I have been through some highs and lows in my life. Thinking about it again, it’s like the return to the country of the two Emmaus disciples.Emmaus, He is with usEmmaus, He is with us
At the age of 20, I joined the Benedictines. It was my wish because I had decided to offer myself to God. I lived there peacefully for six years and pronounced my vows according to the Benedictine Rule.
But then questions came to me, unsolicited, and I lost my peace of soul. I was disturbed by 'smallness' and 'poverty': how could I share the life of the poor and disadvantaged? I searched the works of the Saints who had lived in the Congregation, I listened to the instruction of those who had gone before me, but nothing responded to my problems, my worries. So I decided to leave the Benedictines for a time.

For the first few years, I often went back to the Benedictines where the Community welcomed me as before. It went on like that for three years. By letting my indecision go on, I ended up by having had enough of everything. I wanted to abandon the religious life, and even my faith. For more than a year, I no longer attended Mass or participated in the Sacraments. I wanted to remove God from my life.But in the end my existence was continually full of disgust, without any goals. I really didn't know what to do.
Then one day, as I was walking, I noticed a sign advertising a course on how to care for people with terminal-stage Aids. And although I was very afraid of suppurating wounds, bleeding and dead people, I enrolled in this course.
It was during this course that I learned of the existence of the Little Brothers of Jesus, and joy and faith came back to me. The tangible proof is that now I am living in a fraternity of the Little Brothers of Jesus.
Writing these lines, I really see that the Lord is always with me, that he loves me and calls me.
His plans for me are full of love, even when I reject him. That is where my faith and joy lie.
Although I know that I can easily abandon the Lord and that my path is full of pitfalls, I no longer worry because the Lord is my companion and is always present in me. And then, at my side, there is always the fraternal support of my brothers who go before me.